Guilt

Guilt is something I've struggled with for a long time.  And I assume you have too.  It's recently come to the surface in my life and for once I can look it right in the face and KNOW that it's not okay.  Because you know, sometimes it's okay to feel guilty, right?

Deciding to stay at home was a very hard decision.  Not because I don't think my son is worth it, but because I'm walking away from a lot.  I love my job...  It's a challenge.  I love challenges.  But there were also many, many days that I left work last year just wanting to quit.  Not knowing if I was making a difference, feeling defeated.  But during the 2 weeks I was working before having Jude, I saw the payoff.  My previous 7th graders were now 8th graders and I could see the difference.  And they really loved me.  They would come on a daily basis to visit with me or just say "hello".  My classroom was way out of the way, so for them to come visit took effort.  That meant so much to me.  I miss those kids, I really, really do.

But staying at home is very important to me.  It's important for my son.  (I don't need to debate that with you.)  I understand that there are plenty of working mommy's out there and I really commend them or you if that's you.  I can't imagine the discipline, juggling and sometimes heartache that comes with it.  But I assume you are also doing what you have deemed "best" for your family.  For my family, me being at home is what is "best".

Now, here is the guilt.  I am feeling GUILTY for feeling HAPPY.  What?  That's so stupid!  My maternity substitute quit yesterday.  My classroom is a mess.  The art projects are really bad.  The students have vandalized my room (with spray paint!!!)  And now a dear friend of mine is having to take over my classroom and it is really overwhelming him.  I feel guilty because it feels like my responsibility to take care of the mess now.  (Even though I planned out 13 weeks of lessons, scripted them, made powerpoints, organized the supplies, entered all the projects into gradebook and basically made it the easiest subbing position to step into...)  But now we're at the end of the 13 weeks of lessons and my friend is now responsible for planning.

And now I feel like I should have to go back and fix the mess.  But here's the thing, that's not true!  And the only thing motivating me is GUILT.  That stupid nagging feeling in the back of my head that is always negative self-talking.  I wish I could kill it!

I just want to let you all know that it is OKAY to be happy!  God wants us to be happy!  And maybe we need a different word...  Joyful.  God wants us to be filled with joy!  Of course this comes with being in His will, I believe.

And I believe He has really shown me that it is His will for me to stay at home with my son.  And oh my goodness, I can't express the JOY that has filled my life while being able to take care of my son, keep my house clean, plan meals, coupon, go to MOPS and cloth diaper!  But that stupid voice is always nagging me saying that I shouldn't be happy.  I should feel drained, I should feel overwhelmed and if I don't then I need to find something that will make me feel that way because that's how "everyone" else is living and that's how I should live too.  Well, I know that's a lie.

Sometimes guilt isn't always that easy to distinguish.  But one thing I have found to be true of God is that He doesn't use guilt.  He does allow the Holy Spirit to convict us, but from my experience conviction is a very different feeling than guilt.  Guilt is...  evil.  It is not to be a part in our Christian life.  Guilt can go to H-E double hockey sticks!  I'm going to be proactive this week to not allow guilt to motivate my thoughts or actions.  I'm going to allow myself to be joyful in God's will for me and I hope you will too.

JV Photography: Engagement Kayla + Ian

About a week and a half ago I had the pleasure of photographing two Taylor students who are getting married next year!  They were so obviously in love, it was so easy to photograph them and capture the love between them!

It was a gorgeous day and we went to a barn near Taylor's campus that is very special to these two.  I experimented with a little bit of free lensing and LOVE the results.  Still have a lot of practicing to do but I'm loving the process.  :)  I'll be offering 50$ photoshoots through January, so book fast!  A session will get you 45 minutes, 1 location and about 40 digital copies of the finished photos with printing rights.

I'm so happy for these two and can't wait to see photos from their wedding!  Meet Kayla and Ian!

JV Photography: Elliott Family

This past Monday, I had the joyful opportunity to photograph a family I've watched grow from the beginning.  It's been such a blessing to be a small part of this family's life.  I got to photograph Naomi's first pregnancy and then her adorable baby boy's newborn photos.  And this session was no different!  The Elliott family just welcomed baby girl Maerah into their lives and it is SO beautiful to watch them all interact.  Sammy was such a ham the whole time and made our session so exciting.  I feel blessed to be able to share these photos with you, I'm sure you'll see the love that emanates between all of them!

Easy Pumpkin Bread Recipe

Let me start by saying that this is even better than those pumpkin scones.  Not even kidding.  This pumpkin bread is so moist and fluffy.  My mother-in-law brought me and the hubs a loaf of this a few weeks ago and WOW...  I ate it in 3 days..  A whole loaf.  So making this may be a bad idea...  But I mean, who can say?

I may slow down a bit on recipes the next few days (or at least I hope).  My goal is to start posting about some cloth diapering, but that all depends on the LO being compliant!

Seriously, whip up some of this pumpkin bread.  You won't regret it!

Easy Pumpkin Bread

Ingredients

• 1 can of pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie filling)
• 4 eggs
• 1 cup vegetable oil
• 2/3 cup water
• 2 cups white sugar (original recipe calls for 3 but I think 1 or 1 1/2 would be fine too)
• 3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

Mix the wet ingredients together and the dry ingredients together! Also preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Then mix them all together!

Pour them into 2 loaf pans (or 3 loaf pans if you have small ones)

And stick them into a 350 degree oven for 50-60 minutes.

You'll know they're done when a knife or toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean! 

Cut that baby into slices and enjoy!