I often find myself going back and forth with my emotions as a new mother. Can I even call myself a "new mother" anymore? I feel like it's been a lifetime since my little one was born. Jude grows so quickly. I find myself mourning and rejoicing at the same time. How can two contradicting emotions be felt at the same time over the same thing?
It's so easy to get lost in the moment and be angry or sad or whatever over the lost sleep, the piling responsibilities and the mounting failures as a mother. And then, I'm reminded that he IS growing so fast. No longer a newborn. Learning new things daily. I see other moms with toddlers, elementary schoolers and high schoolers and can't imagine it for myself. But it is a glimpse into our future. That's so intimidating and heartbreaking to me.
And then God gives me gentle reminders of what really is to come. This past Sunday, our sermon was about heaven. Our pastor was telling us what he believes to be true of heaven and that our relationships will continue once the new heaven and the new earth are made whole. And I believe that too. I never really got to "meet" my dad. And I believe with my whole heart that I will be able to be in community with him in heaven. And knowing that, then I know that Jude and I will be in relationship also in heaven.
So instead of constantly being sad and mourning the fact that this time with him before he grows up is ever fleeting. I can find comfort and hope in the thought that our heavenly Father has already made that part of us whole. He has connected me to this little boy, this amazing, precious, crazy adorable boy, for the rest of eternity. Amazing.
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